Life, it changes.

For the past few weeks, sleep has evaded me. Not entirely sure why, I try and go to sleep and it just doesn’t happen. It’s not like I sleep well anyways. I’m happy though, and I guess that’s all that matters. 

It happened, and apparently it was necessary.

I feel better, and that breathless feeling in my chest isn’t there. Is that a good thing? I’m saying it is. It’s for the best, and I can only do what is best for myself. 

And now, I sit on the floor in my bedroom and write this. I feel good, a lot better than I expected. But there’s a reason for that, one that I’m thankful for. One that I hope flourishes. Can only hope for the best and do my best right?

The music and the light speaker things are keeping me up. I really need to sleep right now, I have a bit of a drive tomorrow. At least it’s a drive that I look forward to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnzlZ4CshGQ

I wish people would have some respect.

19 children were killed last week by a man that obviously had some serious mental problems that were unresolved. Along with this, several more children had their innocence quickly taken away from them. The perpetrators actions were atrocious, and we as a society should have done as much as we could to help prevent that

The Newtown shootings are quickly becoming a new reason for people to argue about gun control, religion, blah blah blah blah blah.

Guess what?

This isn’t about guns

This isn’t about religion

Have some damn respect and compassion and leave it alone. Now is not a time for arguing like petty children. This is the time for we the people to mourn, and do as much as we can to help the families affected. I wish for once people would stop trying to make this tragedy their own, and force their opinions on others. That is an easy way to lose all of my respect.

This post is probably going to be really patchy and disconnected, I’m just rambling so bear with me here.

Over the past few weeks I have been brooding over something, and I know that as one person I can do nothing, but maybe if I just write it out then I will feel better about it. 

Anyways, what’s bothering me is something that I never really thought about before a few weeks ago. I’ll get to it here in a second, but the only question I can really ask to this problem is “Why?” 

Here goes nothing:

Why do celebrities make so much money when they do nothing for our society? If anything in my opinion they just make things worse for us, because other countries see them and make assumptions about our whole society. Take for example Robert Pattison.

Robert Pattison makes $26 million a year.

Let me say that again. Robert Pattison makes $26 million a year.

This is a guy who does nothing more than stand in front of a camera and look good, yet he makes $26 million.

That’s dumb. Now, look at somebody like my dad. My dad is a doctor, he has helped thousands of people get better, but he doesn’t even compare to how much Mr. Twilight gets yearly. Doctors only make, on average, about $190,000.

So, by that number Mr. Sparkles could make as much as 136 doctors in a year.

That makes me angry, Like it really gets me going. Celebrities should make no more than a doctor does for what they do. They cause problems for the normal people, and the money they do make they spend on the dumbest things. So there it is, that’s what’s been bothering me.

Holy frustration Batman, is fidelity too hard to ask now a days? Date, Dump, Move on, Rinse and Repeat. Is it impossible for people to stay with a SO for more than a month now? I think either people aren’t trying hard enough, or else 50% of a relationship is, and the other 50% isn’t doing enough. Oh well. Nothing I have to worry about I guess.

So, in less than 2 weeks I will be back at home in Oklahoma. After 8 months of traveling around the world, doing amazing things i think I am ready to go back. I miss everyone back home, it’s been so long since I have gone out with my friends. It’s been a while since I have been able to sit on the couch next to my mom and eat pizza. 

I miss all of that.

Gap Year has done so much good for me, and I have loved every minute of it. It will be very weird when I go back home and I realize that I can do whatever I want to. I won’t have anyone telling me that I have to do anything during the day. I hope I am able to keep myself disciplined and make sure I make myself useful back at home.

The other day I was talking with one of my co-workers at ICM. The conversation was pretty good, we were talking about the differences between America and the Philippines.  A few yards away from us there was a dog yelping and barking about something, and scratching itself like crazy. My co-worker stopped the conversation and turned and looked at the dog for a pretty good amount of time. He turned back to me and began to speak, and what he said has been one of the most wise things I have ever heard from any body.

This is what he told me:

“You know, if we think about it, we are all kind of like that dog. The dog just needs a good flea bath and someone to take care of it. If it had that, it would have no reason to be whining. Humans are the same way. If we can realize that we have a method of cleansing ourselves then we would have no reason to whine. That method is God, he would take care of us, just like that dog needs something to take care of it.”

That’s some heavy stuff right there.

So, while we were in Turkey, we visited the churches that John wrote to in the book of Revelation. It was real crazy going to a place that an apostle wrote about, and walking in the places he most likely walked in. The town of Ephesus was amazing, and the most intact archeological sight I have ever been to.

We went into an old house that has been in the process of excavation since the late 90’s, it was an amazing place. It was sweet walking the floors of a house that had been inhabited 2000 years ago. It is crazy seeing what every day life was like back then, or at least the conditions the people lived in. The house was more intricate than many modern day houses. The person must have been very well off.

The city itself was massive, almost as big as modern day cities. It was cool going into the houses that people lived in thousands of years ago, walking on the same roads that have been used since before Christ was crazy to me.

Anyways, that’s all I got.

So, Kilimanjaro was amazing. The hardest thing I have ever done to be honest.

Turkey is pretty sweet. I really love the scenery and all the old ruins. I love history, so this place makes me feel like a kid in a candy shop.

Well, we left Rwanda yesterday. Today we hang out at The Ahadi Lodge in Tanzania. Tomorrow we begin our climb.

I am so ready to go back to school and get the rest of my life started. Gap year is great, but once I get home I know that I will be well prepared to take on college. A year ago, I never would have thought that I would be in Africa. A year ago I had no idea what I would be doing. Stuff changes, and all you can do is go along with it.

This year has done so much good for me.

So, we leave Rwanda in just a few short days. Time flies here, it’s pretty crazy that I can still remember getting up from my bed in Oklahoma and saying my good-byes to my family and friends. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were getting on a plane from Brussels to Kigali. But, that was 5 weeks ago.

I wish life in the states was as simple as it was here in Rwanda. I think people would get along much better. People would probably be happier too. As Americans, we keep ourselves busy for really no good reason at all. A good portion of our lives will be wasted on things that we keep ourselves busy doing. Things that will in all reality add up to nothing at all. That’s kind of sad if you ask me. But it’s just an opinion.

It’s a weird feeling when you go to a school in the middle of Rwanda and the students all speak four languages. What is even more shocking is that most of the students know more about American culture than I do. Some even know American history more than I do. That comes as a huge shock.

Going up into the mountains on weekdays is usually an interesting drive. We load up in the truck, which is a normal 4 door passenger truck. The problem is, we have 13 people. So, we fit who we can into the cab and then cram everyone else into the bed.

It must look really odd seeing 8 white people (Muzungus as they call us) just riding along in a truck bed. I wonder what they think as they pass. At least they seem happy to see us here.

Made it to Rwanda safely about 2 weeks ago, and it’s been great so far. It’s nothing like I would have expected. By that, I mean it’s nothing like The Lion King. I’ve been learning a lot here, and time goes by super fast. I can’t believe that I’ve been here for this long already.

So, for the past few years I have been keeping a journal on my computer. I usually write three or four times a week. I have been going through these past entries and it’s unreal. It’s as if i was reading a totally different persons journal. I knew I would change, but this is just so bizarre. I have taken a total 180 degree turn around, and It would seem as if I am sprinting in that direction.

This program is the real deal. Students need this. They need time after school to determine who they are, and what they want to be for their lives. I am POSITIVE that if I had gone to college I would have dropped out within the first semester. It’s a shame that some students go into college and drop out and waste their time and money. I realized really quick once I got here that I needed change, and I needed time to meditate on who I am, and who I want to be.

Ok, let’s be honest. For the past 18 years I have lived an extremely pampered life. Whatever I ask for I get, no questions asked. It has taken this time in Denver to make me realize how blessed I am to have an amazing and stable family, and an awesome group of friends who don’t take advantage of me. 

It is really sad that it has taken this long to realize how blessed I am. I don’t think it should have taken me this long to come to the conclusion that I am so ungrateful for the possessions I have. It kind of sickens me to be honest. People need to learn that what they have shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Looking back at some of the things that I have done in the past is just unreal sometimes, It’s been hard realizing how ungrateful I am. It’s amazing to me that some of the people that I work with are so thankful with how little they have. It’s even more disturbing and astounding that some of the people that I know are so unhappy even though they have so much. 

Bottom line, It’s hard to truly express how grateful I am to have what I have. It’s awesome to have a loving family, amazing friends, and to have the opportunity with this Gap year.